May 11, 2013 at 9:33pm
First Signs of Summer
Too hot for sheets
I wake up at dawn
and try to sleep again
but my body’s determined-
to let me know my day starts now
I hear the faint sound of your breathing
the sound of rubbing your feet together
a soft mumble, a position shift
for the heat is stifling now
I try and lay still for you
to not risk waking you
because that is love-
at least right now.
May 7, 2013 at 1:42am
Though August seems to close in like a freight train
I choose to stand on the tracks, hand in hand
and look at the blissful view the other way
because to face the impending collision,
the unimaginable pain of the unavoidable impact
may be a death sentence.
But as long as I’m with You
even a death sentence can’t scare me
And in the meantime
Best to wait for the certain calamity to come
with You by my side.
April 30, 2013 at 1:37am
I look at the spaces between my fingers,
the missingness I feel in my heart
the lonely pang neatly represented by my hand’s outline,
the place where your hand isn’t-
longing for your touch,
your hand interlaced with mine,
but knowing I must wait until the new day.
Gently closing my fist
I think of you,
and wonder if you’re doing the same.
April 23, 2013 at 4:32am
I lost my keys, and You drove me home to get the spare.
Still bitter at the disparity between my expectations for the night-
and the reality.
I refused to hold Your hand.
The stars we were looking at
-with Your friend who tagged along-
seemed like dead and pointless balls of gas to me,
Your efforts to keep me warm only provoked me more,
the friction of Your hands against my arms only fueled my fire
tonight I would tell you I loved You.
instead my ex was too friendly,
and I got lost on my way to You,
and Your friend tagged along,
and my car broke down
and I didn’t get home until 1 am
and You saw me cry.
while I tried pushing You away,
You just patiently waited
until I was ready to receive Your affection,
waiting for my silent cue to hold my hand
and let me know things would be okay
You drove me home to get my spare key,
and stayed with me when the car wouldn’t start.
and You bothered your family
and You bothered your friends
and You wiped my tears.
Just to make sure I got home safe.
I’m still angry.
But I still love You.
April 22, 2013 at 1:44am
the distance between me and you
the agony in the thought destroys me
a day away from you hurts like the world
months deemed to purgatory
in a city of steel and people who steal
wallets, hearts, souls.
without the protection of you
without your warmth to tell me it will work out
without your lips to let me forget my pain
Knowing you could be with another
making her days brighten with your presence-
the way my days brighten
giving her the strenght she needs- I need.
Because I can’t be there to make you okay
the void that cannot be left unfilled
because the pain is too much
my biggest fear is losing you to 1785.7 miles
April 21, 2013 at 7:01pm
You said you loved me
or- were falling in love with me
or- were almost in love with me
it was hard to hear past the roaring in my ears,
the all consuming and overwhelming sense I get from being around you
intoxicated by your smile, touch, face, lips
every moment possessing finality,
that I just can’t let you go
because any moment could be the last,
and the possibility of an end scares me and brings me in closer
so that I might hope to become so close
that any end would be an end to us both
so that neither of us would need to be alone.
You said you might love me
and I love you back.
too afraid to speak the words
words that have never been told with any weight attached.
“I love you”
but I do.
“I had a dream I told you I loved you.
You slapped me,
Then said it back”
April 15, 2013 at 12:43am
as I sit here
waiting, waiting, waiting
waiting for you, trepedatious typing
of kind words- gentle reminders I’m still here
wanting, waiting, ready for loving
and I hope you feel the same
but don’t want to rush
because the pain, the pain would be too much
for me to bear to bring to you
kind eyes, soft words, loving touch
wanting, waiting, wishing for you.
I watched you sleep
peaceful and placid
the dew of morning light working not to wake you
an occasional twitch
a dream making its presence known in the tangible world
I try to sleep, because I worry my watching will wake you
but through the blur of my eyelashes,
the gentle smile rests happily on your face
you reach over, still asleep, and grab my waist
and I am happy